UFC 97 in Montreal Still On But With Key Concessions

Canadian newspaper La Grande Merde is reporting that an agreement has been reached between UFC brass and the Quebec athletic commission, and that UFC 97 on April 18th will go on as planned - albeit, with some key concessions. The event was in jeopardy thanks to Stephane Patry's Strike Box debacle and the commission subsequently wanting to ban knees and elbow strikes, but after emissaries from Zuffa were dispatched to salvage the situation, things have apparently been ironed out and the show will go on. The concessions the UFC had to agree to are:

• Georges St. Pierre's beloved moose "Matilda" will be honored in a ceremony before the Anderson Silva/Thales Leites main event.
• All fighters exiting the locker rooms and making their way to the Octagon to compete must wear flannel.
• Water bottles must be diluted with maple syrup. Yummy maple syrup.
• Announcer Bruce Buffer must end every sentence with "eh?"
• Fighters will be penalized for cross-checking, high sticking and slashing. Penalty shots will be awarded.
• Commission officials will operate from an igloo set up cageside. No one is allowed to make fun of the igloo. No one!